10. “America used to have sweet skills, like manufacturing and production skills, freedom skills, virtue skills…but now we have like a boatload of problems and that’s why our dollar isn’t hardly worth anything. Investors only want countries with sweet skills. We’re freakin’ IDIOTS!”
9. “Neo-cons have pretty much the worst foreign policy EVER. Those guys are retarded!”
8. “Pretty much all anyone has to do to get elected anymore is to tell the people that if they vote for them all of their wildest dreams will come true. The people don’t want to do flipping anything for themselves!”
7. “What the heck are judges and legislators doing to homeschoolers — trying to ruin everyone’s lives and make them look like freakin’ idiots?”
6. “I turned out so good ’cause I have a sweet family. Everyone would have more of a killer time if we took better care of the family.”
5. “Could you ask my grandma to bring me some money? My bank account hurts real bad from all this flippin’ inflation! I asked the Secretary of the Treasury and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve for help but they don’t know anything.”
4. “The day we passed the 17th Amendment was pretty much the worst day of America’s life, whaddya think?! GOSH! Where the heck were all the smart legislators that day — staying home and eating all the flippin’ chips?”
3. “My favorite form of government is a constitutional republic. It’s like a monarchy, aristocracy, and democracy mixed…bred for its checks and balances. Democracy is the worst form of government EVER!”
2. “I would vote for Pedro before any of the decroded piece of crap candidates we have in our presidential elections.”
1. “The People just called and said the Federal Reserve should go back to where it came from. They say they don’t want it here when they get back because it’s been ruining everybody’s lives and eating all their steak!”
© Copyright Stephen D. Palmer.
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